Ellé Bell Café
|Posted on July 2, 2011 at 8:00 PM|
A great realization has manifested itself to me as of late. I realize things are not as they seem, nor do I want what I thought I did. I never thought I would have demands or expectations but I do. Essentially the confines of my narrow minded thinking has landed on its head, shattered and broken beyond repair. Life as I thought it was is over and a new life has emerged…
I used to want to live and grow old in a big, old, historic home. Been there and nothing could be farther from the truth. Yeah I wanted that- but DIDN’T want everything else that went along with it: stress, worry, and poverty. With the blinders on I thought it was a good life. I never realized how miserable I was in that life, in that marriage – until I ended up away from it. At first I couldn’t pick myself up from the ashes, out of the remains of my life and my marriage. I thought I was going to be married to him forever. Then I heard things he said in a new light. I saw things I had seen before but never realized. I believed the things he said until there was no denying their untruth. I was so lost, but inside me the paint brush of my mind awakened, it swirled and danced on a fresh palette of colors and began to paint my new picture.
Since then, my hold on that old life has been relinquished. Looking forward toward the rising sun I have begun my new adventure. Although my path is uncharted and the brush needs to be cleared – in trudging my own path I am finding things I never knew I had in me: inner peace, true happiness, emotional strength, independence and freedom. I am discovering who I am and what I really, truly want in my life- not to be mistaken with what I thought I wanted…
Sometimes I think people have me all wrong. Maybe they don't. I get things people think I don't. I see things in words that others don't. Words are my canvas. They effortlessly find their way out of me, almost as accidentally as a teenager spilling lavender paint on her ivory carpet. It just happens...
I love my life. It’s simple. It’s real. I'm as genuine as a person can get. I can't fake anything. When people see me, they read me like the words on this screen, and I like it. I am in a good place, and without a doubt it is exactly where I am supposed to be.
Categories: Pearls of Wisdom